Changing Waters
by shortlived
Summary: Rogue Deals with the worst kind of reality after Alcatraz


She was disgusted. Revolted. Deeply upset.

_And angry._

The kind of anger that intensifies your breathing, making it quicken as your stomach tightens into a ball of fury. It didn't help that tears were falling down her face, pathetic little streams pooling down her face as her emotions stirred inside of her, landing on the clothes that she was furtively packing.

_It was a misunderstanding._ A horrible confusion of actions and events.

Disappearing for a couple days, returning later to kiss Bobby. Gossip spreading like spilled blood in pure white snow..

_But they couldn't have been more wrong._

She looked at her bear Daye, one of the few things she had managed to take with her from her old house. Hugging it tightly to her she threw it inside her bag, zipping the unseeing eyes behind a wall of fabric. Her gaze wandered across her room that was nothing more than a disarray of what she had been. Papers shredded and lying on the floor, her bed not slept in yet messy, her pictures torn, frames broken and glass shattered. Her uniform sticking out of the open closet, a stitched X catching in the light for a second as if ridiculing her further. If she had strong enough scissors available she would have cut into little pieces.

_Unwelcome._

That is what she was.

_Unwanted._

That is what she had become.

Ororo's harsh words that were spoken, not to her, but through her as if looking upon a supposed human, X-mutant was unbearable. But first it was Bobby looking at her with those big blue eyes of his, filled to the brim with something she hadn't seen directed at her before..

_Pity. _

"You shouldn't have done this for me."

Not realizing, that maybe, somehow she had touched him on her own, that the Professor had been working on her with controlling her mutation. So what if she had gone to a clinic to find out about the cure. One could be curious couldn't they? Especially when they were stuck in their own vile skin and left with minimal contact, and sympathetic looks. Or even worse, those of fear.

But of course her control was gone, the little restraint she had manage to acquire that allowed her to touch for short moments, unattainable.

That had gone into the grave with the Professor

It wasn't enough that she had more than a couple voices in her head, but to turn, to walk down a corridor, climb some steps, and there were more. People whispering and staring. Each comment outdoing the next, some blatantly louder than others as they forced themselves to be heard. Worse and worse as the days passed.

Suffocating, overwhelming. _Infuriating._

To stay, because she could and that would show them? Or leave because she could and that would show them?

Was it her life to live or not? And why did she give a dang about what they thought about her anyway? They hadn't stuck by her, they hadn't asked her outright if it was true, or even cared for an explanation. They just stamped an **H** on her forehead, a big black letter that was burned into her skin...

She could have ended it all with a comment. Silenced it with a touch.

But she didn't.

Her pride was too much a part of her, growing with each whispered comment, each prolonged stare that spoke volumes of misplaced loathing.

She wanted to leave. And as soon as possible. It only took her five days after it all started that she finally made that decision...

If Xavier had been there none of it would have gotten so bad...

_All the deaths, all the losses._

But she hadn't been there, hadn't been involved. Maybe if she had been she would have realized that emotions were running high, that they were more than likely supplementing their grief for cruelty as they used her as a diversion from having to face the agonizing truth.

An atypically rash Storm starting the ball rolling a couple days after the Alcatraz incident, when she slandered Rogue in front of too many people, the unsuspected southerner having just come down for breakfast.

"Still here Rogue? Would have thought you would have joined up with Magneto... You know he is _human_ now too... although at least he didn't get _cured _on purpose."

Rogue had stood there, a plate in her hand, trembling slightly from the words that came from the new leader. Not believing what she heard, or what was thought of her. Not believing, that Storm having been there with her on Liberty Island could even say such a thing. Especially when the bastard has tried to kill her.

Her mouth falling opening and then clenching shut with defiance.

Chocking silence from everyone in the room that just moments prior had been filled with subdued conversations and sounds of eating. The smells of eggs and bacon that had been mouth watering when she had been coming down the stairs, suddenly causing her stomach to turn.

Rogue's grip going lax as the she let the plate fall out of her hand, it breaking into thousands of pieces beneath her shoes. Bumping into Bobby on the way out of the kitchen, him grabbing onto her shoulders before she pushed him out of the way.

_That was when all the whispering began... _

The unrelenting persecution.

She got it from humans because they thought her too different, she got it from mutants because they thought she had become normal. But the latter she no longer had to deal with, for Rogue was no longer among them. Making it out the front door, she slammed it as loud as possible behind her. Throwing her keys into some shrubbery by the side.

The metal flashed through the air, gleaming as it twirled before it landed. And that reminded her of Logan. Logan who was probably still in his room behind his locked door, grieving for Jean who he had killed. Thinking only of himself as he barred himself away from others, and from her in a time she could have really used him.

But of course who was she thinking of, but herself?

Her steps quickened as she reached the gate. For a moment she hesitated after they opened. Sparing a look behind her, knowing she could easily take one of the many vehicles in the garage. But she found she didn't want to. Rogue didn't want anything that belonged to them.

Her self respect wouldn't allow it.

She left the school grounds, the early morning air chilly, yet tolerable. The bag on her shoulder heavy as it pressed into her with every step she took. A burden and a release.

The lonely road curved before her.

But she knew where she was going, rumors of Mystique's betrayal by Magneto and how she had become human interested Rogue. Caused her to actually feel some sort of demented connection .. and when she also found out that once blue shape changer was starting up a second Brotherhood, she knew she wanted to check it out. Maybe their views weren't as different as she had supposed.

And after all what harm could come of it? She was only an impressionable young woman of nineteen.

_No harm at all._

One poor choice building on top of other impudent decisions. Her once unshakable morality twisted and torn. Bad actions and even worse deeds piling upon her until she became someone else entirely. Reborn through others sufferings, that she once upon a time would have been fighting against.

All because of the way people she cared about, even trusted, treated her when they had thought she had become human.


End file.
